Archive for October, 2008

How to retire and then have babies

October 30, 2008

On this site about equally shared parenting, the authors often feature parents who manage a balanced life. Balance usually means a less than full-time schedule for both parents and equally shared child-raising and housework, as the name of the movement so clearly implies. Though Jesse and I work at being equal, it’s often harder than it sounds. Pete and Simi, though, make it sound like freakin’ paradise.

Today, I read about their sweet life in Colorado, and I was as jealous of them as I am of those people who can afford 3.5 million dollar apartments in Manhattan. If you’ve been to Boulder, as I have, and contemplated moving there because it was wonderful, as I have, this story is even more envy-inspiring.

Read about the good life by clicking here.

Advertisements

And hilarity ensues

October 30, 2008

I love this blog: The Bloggess.

It is just like the craziness going on inside my own brain except really, really funny.

She had a post the other day about a swimsuit site that showed many tests for potential customers, such as jumping and fruit holding (don’t ask), and she commented that the real test of a swimsuit would be the following:

Like maybe a chick in a one-piece who looks exactly like me at her community pool leans over to see why her child’s ass seems to be exploding and then she realizes that her husband failed to put a swimming diaper on the kid and so now the diaper is soaking up all the pool water and expanding like a giant mushroom cloud and the kid is looking at you like “What the f*ck is happening to my junk?!” and you’re all, “Don’t panic! Walk slowly toward the bathroom!” but the kid is like “Pick me up! I’m being eaten by my diaper!” and so you do but then the pressure makes the diaper seams burst and now you’re covered with the gel stuff from inside the diaper, which, it turns out is like a bluish crystally-jelly and you’re repulsed and fascinated all at the same time and you run to the bathroom and the crystal-jelly stuff is leaking out behind you like a trail of breadcrumbs and the lifeguard is giving you the stink-eye and you finally get to the bathroom and the gel inside the diaper is continuing to expand and so as soon as you take off the kid’s suit the diaper rips open from the sheer internal pressure and lands with a splat and the jelly sprays all over everything and then your childless neighbor from down the street walks in and sees you bending over in the middle of the bathroom, splattered with diaper filling, trying desperately to use wads of brown paper towels to clean the probably cancerous crystal-jelly off a naked toddler and you try to smile at her like this is the sort of thing that happens all the time and you consider standing up to explain that this is all your husband’s fault but before you can straighten up your kid sees your boob perched precariously at the edge of your bathing suit and punches it and then it falls out of the top of your bathing suit. And then your neighbor rushes out of the bathroom and you want to scream at her, ”Don’t run from me! BEHOLD! THIS. IS. YOUR. FUTURE!”

Ah, the creepy innards of diapers. We had our own issues with them.

Charlie’s spilled open at the bottom of one of those big blow-up slides at Monkey Joe’s.

He popped out of the slide and landed in a pile of weird gel balls. “What is that?” I thought, as I carried him away, suspicious, curious and repulsed. It was only after we’d moved to another slide that I realized where the weird stuff had come from. Charlie’s butt. By then, I was way too embarrassed to tell the poor employees. I shamefully left it for the closing crew.

I should know by now that any parenting nightmare I’ve encountered has been one-upped by someone. Life does hand out small favors sometimes.

Just like Wall Street…

October 30, 2008

We had another crash!

After we got our computer up and somewhat running—still no program for downloading pictures and all of my favorite links are still not where they should be—half of a giant tree fell across our cable wire. The tree landed in our neighbor’s backyard. The episode gave us a chance to meet the nice people who live next door, since Time Warner cable couldn’t fix our connection without having access to their yard AND our downstairs neighbor’s roof/porch.

The downed line did not, thank goodness, interrupt any episodes of Gossip Girl or Mad Men. But I wasn’t able to get online, except at work, for FOUR days. I have learned: I need Google in my brain.

Now, I’m happy to report, we’re back up, and Charlie and I will be hanging out in the ‘hood tomorrow. Hopefully, we’ll create some good stories to share.

It’s NOT Christmas season, but…

October 9, 2008

I have been thinking about lists of who’s been naughty, who’s been nice, and what kind of toys might be fun to play with since I seem to be drafted into the playroom on a regular basis.

We just got a kid catalog in the mail, and Charlie and I oohed and aahed over the blow-up backyard ball pit, the $200 firehouse playset, and the super cool castle tent with tunnel. So, I added a few of the (much smaller) items onto Charlie’s “wish” list. These are just ideas about what he might be interested in. If you’re looking to get more creative or a lot cheaper, Charlie loves a lot of other things too: pictures of people he knows, especially if he’s in the pictures; books of all kinds, used or new, especially those about animals and those with tabs, levers and pullys but not those with lights, buttons and sounds—go figure; music of all kinds, especially instruments he can play with; clothes that are warm and cute, he’s a size 4T; and anything personalized that reminds him of the giver. (He’s been recounting how he made a puppet with me at the sheep play, and how Renee and he made a paper fan in class—six months ago. Last week we made a bird feeder out of a milk carton and every day since he looks out the window and says, “Mama, we made that. Together.”)

And just for my mom, I’m also writing a list of ideas for me and Jesse. Right now, it’s sparse. She’ll have to wait until after Thanksgiving to find out more. Until then…Happy Halloween!

Crash!

October 9, 2008

So while the US economy is crashing down all around us, our computer decided to crash as well. We have a replacement up and running, but it is not tailored to our individual needs just yet. That means no photos or videos for a while. At least until Jesse installs a program that will store my visuals between camera and Flickr.

In the meantime, you can check out Jesse and Charlie’s new blog. Little Bitty Videos showcases short videos for the under-five set. Charlie has stamped his approval on all of them.